Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Tallahatchie Free State Ministers Emeritus

Pending receipt of ministerial nominations, selection, and confirmation by the Colonel's esteemed panel of one chaired by a man curmudgeoned well before his time, the following ministers emeritus are hereby declared exemplary for the ethical and effective conduct of the affairs of the Tallahatchie Free State, a government in opposition, capitalled at Eegeebeegee, at the northern end of southern nowhere.

Foreign Minister: Alexander the Great--no other man in history made so many allies of former enemies in so little time.

Minister of Defense: Lieutenant General Lewis B. "Chesty" Puller, USMC--no other military man more clearly understood the opportunity present in being surrounded and outnumbered by the enemy (will be an important attribute for the near-term conduct of military operations in defense of TFS borders).

Assistant Minister of Defense: General Anthony C. McAuliffe, USA, who, as commander of the 101st Airborne Division, eloquently responded with "Nuts!" to the surrender demand of the German commander whose forces surrounded the Americans at Bastogne during the 1944 Battle of the Bulge. In addition to his example of loyalty and mission focus, such brevity, clarity, and decisiveness in inter-governmental communications will be a TFS requirement.

Minister of the Interior: Theodore Roosevelt--responsible for the creation of the greatest and most effectively maintained collective expanse of national parks and wildlife preserves on the planet. Teddy's effectiveness in foreign policy and national defense also make him an example to bolster those named above.

Minister of Agriculture: George Washington Carver--considered the Leonardo da Vinci of American agriculture and perhaps most responsible for the resurrection of post-Southern War for Independence farming following the collapse of the cotton monoculture.

Minister of Education: Socrates--the father of modern western philosophy and credited with the Colonel's favorite pedagogic method (asking questions to draw out discussion). Reportedly short and unattractive (attributes near and dear to the Colonel), Socrates was also a battlefield hero and a staunch defender of the Athenian constitution (for which he gave his life).

Minister of Justice: Solomon, whose symbolic sword of justice shall remind the citizenry of the TFS that Right and Truth are principles worth fighting for.

Minister of Finance: Robert Heinlein, whose use of the science fiction literary form does not diminish the brilliance of his economic thought, conceptualized in several of his novels as the principle: TANSTAAFL ("there ain't no such thing as a free lunch").

The Tallahatchie Free State minister emeritus positions above and those enshrined in them carry no policy making or enforcement power, and exist purely at the pleasure of the Colonel, subject to his whim and wit, if lack of wisdom. Nominations to ministerial positions, both temporal and emeritus, are encouraged for the Colonel's consideration and are subject to arbitrary approval, condemnation, or curmudgeonly criticism.
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