It always surprises the Colonel when he hears complaints about white "supremacy" and the actions of supposed white "supremacists."
He for dang sure ain't never known or seen one in action. Not during his career in the Marines, nor during his retirement here at the shallow northern end of deep southern nowhere.
But, the Colonel can testify for hours on end about the egregious endeavors of countless height supremacists.
That's right. You know who you are. You and your not-so clever jabs and nicknames thinly disguising your bias toward someone of lesser physical stature.
You didn't think you were height supremacists, but your words spoke volumes. Consider the following not all-inclusive sampling of nicknames the Colonel lived with -- and he's not making one of them up.
"Short round."
"Inky-dink."
"Half-pint."
"The Fly." Well, that one may have been hung on him by the members of his first rifle platoon because (and the Colonel quotes), "The Lieutenant eats (barnyard excrement) and bothers people."
"Guilder." You know, because the Colonel could have been a member of the munchkin lollipop guild.
"Mini-me."
"Small-fry."
"SU." Pronounced "sue" -- acronym for "short and unimpressive." Actually hung on the Colonel by a boss. That boss was projecting a bit -- he towered over the Colonel by no more than an eighth of an inch. The Colonel supposes height supremacy knows no altitude limits.
"Edapolian." Hung on the Colonel by his seminar group at the Air Command and Staff College, supposedly for his views on imperialism and territorial expansion. Not so bad, you say. They could have picked a taller imperialist...; say, Genghis or Attila. Frankly, if you're gonna hang a height supremacist moniker on the Colonel for his unabashed imperialism, he would much prefer a nod to the great (and quite diminutive) James K. Polk whose nickname, "Little Hickory," would be far more preferable. (Then again, Polk's other nickname -- from his campaigning -- was "Napoleon of the Stump," so...)
"Little Doug." The Colonel shares Douglas MacArthur's birthday -- January 26-- and the latter's penchant for dramatics.
"Pup."
"Knee-high."
The Colonel could go on -- his list of growth-impaired grievances is long -- but, you get the picture.
Or, maybe you don't. Maybe you secretly harbor your height supremacists views. Maybe you think there ought to be a separate world for those of us whose existence below your sight plane pose a dangerous trip hazard.
Or, maybe..., you aren't a mere height supremacist at all. Maybe you're just an out and out heightist -- someone who views all of us below your sight plane as (no pun intended) beneath you.
Someone just not as capable as you.
Someone whose outward genetic appearance prompts your disdain.
Whatever, dude.
That's your problem.
It was never the Colonel's. In the long-run, it didn't stop him.
The Marines don't grant honorary colonelcys.
Now, if you will excuse His not-so Highness, the Colonel has some trouser legs to hem up...
