Monday, February 09, 2009

Jack Bauer is a Snivelling Wimp

There are ten reasons why the TV show "24" is bad for America.

Never watched the show until Miss Brenda ordered it from our mail order movie subscription. For the last month or so, we have watched the first two years and have been watching the current season at our leisure via the magic of DVR. The Colonel is far from impressed. In fact, I'm increasingly convinced that the show is an insidious, insipid, installment of entertainment insanity. Here's my ten point dismissal of this disreputable drivel:


1. Jack Bauer is a snivelling wimp.

2. Jack Bauer is a snivelling wimp who breaks his oath of office to "support and defend the Constitution" an average of once every ten minutes.

3. Jack Bauer is a snivelling wimp who places the welfare of his flighty family above that of the nation and its constitution, for which he took an oath to defend against all enemies foreign and domestic (and which implicitly requires suborning of personal and family concerns to the greater good of the people of these re-United States).

4. Jack Bauer is a snivelling wimp who resorts to torture at the drop of a hat.

5. Jack Bauer is a snivelling wimp who possesses less self-discipline in his entire body than the average nineteen year-old Marine lance-corporal has in the tip of his little finger.

6. Jack Bauer is a snivelling wimp who maintains less situational awareness than a soon-to-be-road-kill armadillo, as evidenced by his propensity for capture by bad guys an average of twice per episode.

7. Jack Bauer is a snivelling wimp whose firearm carriage and safety would result in court martial were he under the Colonel's command.

8. Jack Bauer is a snivelling wimp who possesses less leadership ability in his entire body than the average Marine second lieutenant has in the tip of his little finger.

9. Jack Bauer is a snivelling wimp whose fictitious (thankfully) organization, CTU, couldn't find their own backsides with both hands, let alone a terrorist with mass murder on his mind. (Homework for the three of you who read this blog: Ask ten people this week whether CTU is a real or fictitious organization.)

10. Jack Bauer is a snivelling wimp who the Colonel wouldn't trust with the keys to his pick-up, let alone the security of our nation.

Obviously, no one writing, directing, producing, or acting in this intolerable excuse for programming has ever taken (and lived under) the oath of office of these re-United States. Thankfully, the real Americans who have taken the oath, by and large live by and execute their defense of our nation's security in accordance with the constitution on which it stands.

Gotta go, Miss Brenda has the next episode fired up on the DVR--need to see how many rounds it takes to dispatch Nina.
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