Thursday, March 11, 2010

Fanning at the Plate

The Colonel has yet again been simply amazed at the power, speed, and viral nature of communications in the digital age. Cognitive abilities limited by the great distances between brain cells in his hat rack over which synaptic sparks must leap, and cultural hipness hindered by years cloistered monastically in infantry battalions, the Colonel, techno-limping along at the speed of smell, nevertheless maintains the delusion that he is an early adapter, grazing the first tender shoots of emerging technology to produce udderances of innovation.

In truth, what most often emerges is not milk, but manure.

Take, for instance, the Colonel's latest patrol into the dangerous digital no-man's land of FaceBook apps. Notice the Colonel's hip reference to applications as apps. Squads of twenty-something techno-jedi have no doubt detected the Colonel's use of the term sending tremors throughout the digital Force and are frantically searching for a new, more hip, term not so tainted by geezer-use.

Geezer-use. Now there's a hip term. But I digress.

As the Colonel was saying before he so rudely interrupted himself, yesterday's patrol into the frightening digital time-waste land of FaceBook applications provided quite the exciting result. With the promise of exponentially magnified readership of the persistent posts to his reader-poor blog, the Colonel created The Colonel's Corner fan page and then settled comfortably into the Chesty Puller chair in the executive corner office of the Big House at Eegeebeegee and waited expectantly for the deluge.

Within moments the first fan joined. In truth, it was the Colonel his own self, but we were off and running...at the aforementioned speed of smell.

Within the first hour, the number of fans had increased by a whopping 100%! The acrid smell of electronic overload emanated from the Colonel's desktop. Heady stuff, this.

The Colonel finally pried himself from the addicting exercise of refreshing his FaceBook page every 37 seconds and retired to the Davis bedroom for a lengthy strategic planning session. Up at prostate-thirty this morning, the Colonel delayed only long enough to charge his caffeine delivery device before logging on to FaceBook to greet the multitudes who had become eager and loyal fans of The Colonel's Corner.

All three of them. The Colonel, his own self, included.

Man (hippest term in the Colonel's repertoire), this digital age is amazing!
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