The current irrational and ignorant national debate regarding the issue of illegal immigration has spawned literally dozens of ideas for the long-past intractable situation. Since very few of the ideas bear any resemblance to ideas borne of realistic thought, I feel quite safe in offering a few options of my own, and feel quite confident that they will bear just as much scrutiny as most of those that will eventually make it into ineffectual and self-delusional law.
1. Invade Mexico. Take the good parts. Assimilate those who want to be Americans and put the rest on reservations on the bad parts. This plan has already been proved effective--see 19th Century US history.
2. Give California (back) to the Mexican squatters. Bet the red states would approve this in a national referendum, without much money spent on advertising.
3. Grant Texas a 10-year independence. They will figure out how to solve the problem without federal interference. It won't be pretty, but the rest of us can safely shrug and claim: "Texas. It's like a whole 'nother country."
4. Accept the inevitable. Learn to speak Spanish.
Tango un gato en mis pantalones.