Saturday, July 31, 2010

Marital Mystery


There are many, many things the Colonel doesn't understand.

Take Chaos Theory, for example. The Colonel can spell (without the help of spell check) the words ... and, that just about exhausts his knowledge and understanding of the subject. Still, Chaos Theory is not the most perplexing concept the Colonel attempts to wrap his head around.

The Colonel doesn't understand a word of Farsi. Or Hindi, for that matter. Pushtu, likewise. Frankly, there's a lot of English that the Colonel struggles to understand and articulate. Yet, languages, foreign and domestic, don't leave the Colonel scratching his head the most.

The science behind the ability of a two-year-old to be in three places at the same time, the destructive power of a four-year-old, and the exponential energy surge present when the two of them occupy the same square meter is beyond the Colonel's comprehension. But, there is something else far more mysterious to the Colonel.

The Colonel is clueless when it comes to Calculus. Algebra pretty near puts him into apoplexy. Fractions fry the Colonel's circuits. Theorems and equations leave him queasy with confusion. However, these things don't puzzle the Colonel the most.

The Colonel cannot fathom the depths of God's love, the heights of man's folly, or the width of a mother's wisdom.

And, yet, there is something the Colonel finds even more unfathomable.

Thirty-four years ago, almost to this very hour, the comely and kind-hearted Miss Brenda looked this miserable man in the eye and pledged her loyalty and love, forever. Despite this idiot's best efforts to show his worst possible side at the worst possible times and places, the comely and kind-hearted Miss Brenda has remained steadfast and true to her word.

That is something the Colonel will never understand.

Happy Anniversary, Sweetthing! What's for dinner?
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