Thursday, May 06, 2010

When in the Course of Eegeebeegee Events

An emergency meeting of the Tallahatchie Free State executive cabinet convened yesterday evening on the front porch of Eegeebeegee's Big House aboard the Colonel's vast holdings here at the northern end of southern nowhere. Seems that a crisis of confidence in the Colonel's competency to govern has crept into the collective consciences of his constituency.

The comely and kind-hearted Miss Brenda, whose standing as sage counsel to the Colonel is unquestioned (particularly by the Colonel), and whose loyalty and best-friendship to the Colonel has survived the ravages of the Colonel's idiocy and idiosyncrasy for mere months shy of four complete decades, rose in the well of the House (in this case, rocked on a chair on the porch) and called for a vote of no confidence, citing the following as evidence of the Colonel's unsuitability to continue as the people's sole representative and chief executive of the Tallahatchie Free State:

(Italics indicate specific charges)

1. The Colonel has failed to complete even one shovel-ready project among the more than a dozen edificial improvements to the vast holdings that comprise Eegeebeegee, the physical capital of the Tallahatchie Free State--a virtual government in opposition founded as much hand-on-wallet as tongue-in-cheek--whose plans were hatched in the fallow fields of the Colonel's imagination and approved by the comely and kind-hearted Miss Brenda.

The Colonel rose to counter, and pointed out that the Chicks of Eegeebeegee were now ensconced in the coop with integral hen house over which the Colonel has labored lo these many weeks since their arrival. The comely and kind-hearted Miss Brenda conceded that such was the case, but pointed out that, while habitable, the chicken coop with integral hen house was far from complete and not nearly up to the ascetic standards against which all additions to the grounds of Eegeebeegee are held.

2. The Colonel has failed to keep the flora and fauna aboard the immediate grounds of the physical capital of the virtual Tallahatchie Free State safe from terrorist attack and danger of criminal invasion. Rabbits and deer continue to raid and raze new growth, and an attack by an eastern indigo snake on the newborn of the nesting pair of eastern bluebirds in the nest box at the corner of the vegetable garden was thwarted only by the bravery of Ma and Pa Bluebird and the sharp eyes of the Colonel's firstborn grandson; the Hope of 21st Century Civilization, Dash One (H21CC-1).

The Colonel's assertion that the snake's plot was foiled due to superior construction and siting of the bluebird house was met with the deadpan facial expression which graces the visage of the comely and kind-hearted Miss Brenda when she really wants, with all of her kind heart, to expound in detail on the mental short-comings of her mate.

3. The Colonel has acted with wanton disregard for the express desires of the citizens of the Tallahatchie Free State, by word and deed too many to enumerate, doing as he darned well pleased, since the founding of said virtual government in opposition, and must step down as chief executive and sole representative of the people.

The Colonel rose and concurred with the third charge. The Colonel's question, "So?" was met by the deadpan facial expression that graces the visage of the comely and kind-hearted Miss Brenda when she really wants, with all of her kind-heart, to expound in detail on the mental short-comings of her mate.

The comely and kind-hearted Miss Brenda continued for the better part of the next hour and a half, listing, in detail that the Colonel will spare the three of you who regularly waste valuable rod and cone time perusing posts hereon, the gross malfeasance with which the Colonel has executed his duties as chief executive and sole representative of the people, concluding with the announcement that "the people of Eegeebeegee, T.F.S. do hereby unseat the Colonel and relieve him of all duties of governance."

Whereupon the Colonel woke from the slumber induced by the detail spared the three of you who regularly waste valuable rod and cone time perusing posts hereon, immediately declared martial law, and suspended all fun until morale improves.
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