At a recent ad hoc Tallahatchie Free State cabinet session on the front porch of the Big House here at the northern end of southern nowhere, the Colonel, sole representative of the people, was made aware of an egregious omission in the pantheon of holidays, commemorative days, and other not-so-special, actually-quite-ordinary days recognized and celebrated here on the grounds and vast holdings that comprise that fair land known as Eegeebeegee.
We ain't got no day for "Angry White Guys."
Now, the Colonel means no disrespect to those of you whose composure, complexion, or gender excludes you from the above appellation. In fact, the Colonel is always quick to recognize the historical accomplishments of those whose composure, complexion, or gender excludes them from the above appellation. Furthermore, it is in the spirit of inclusion that the Colonel takes pen in hand..., er, tippy taps on his keyboard, to ensure that angry white guys get their due.
The Colonel would ask your indulgence and would frame his argument in favor of his establishment of AWG Day with a series of questions.
Who fired "the shot heard 'round the world?"
An angry white guy.
Who gave us the immortal words, "Give me liberty or give me death?"
An angry white guy.
Who were the signers of the Declaration of Independence?
A bunch of angry white guys.
Who uttered the immortal words, "Did we give up when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?"
An angry white guy.
The Alamo was surrounded by ten thousand Mexicans and who refused Santa Anna's offer of all-you-can-eat Tex-Mex?
Angry white guys.
First man on the beach at Normandy? First man off the helicopter at Ia Drang? First one to burn his draft card?
All angry white guys.
Who invented the twist-off bottle cap?
Don't know for certain, but the Colonel would bet it was an angry white guy with no bottle opener and a lot of hand strength.
First person to walk out of a screening of "Brokeback Mountain?"
Bettin' on the angry white guy...
The Colonel could go on, but this is all startin' to make him angry...
1 comment:
If I recall correctly, angry white guys also invented the bikini, and later the thong--both in an effort to instill calm; if only for a moment or two. God bless them!
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