Thursday, June 11, 2009

Economic Dust-up

The Colonel's sacrificial service to our great nation continues apace. Recognizing that the muddy economic sty in which our country continues to wallow will not be soon rectified by the pandering swine bellied up to the public trough, the Colonel has taken it upon himself to do what he can to stimulate the economy.

Fearing that a depressing trade imbalance had been created by Eegeebeegee's sawmill sired independence from local lumber yards, the Colonel responsibly responded yesterday with yet another capital acquisition to fill the spacious void, and contribute to the effectiveness, of the Man Toy Storage and Sawdust Production Facility. While the Colonel's recently acquired sawmill has performed admirably, even surpassing all expectations of sawdust production capabilities and providing prodigious boardage for conversion to sawdust by the recently commissioned radial arm saw, there yet existed a certain degree of production inefficiency in the timber to lumber to sawdust system here at the northern end of southern nowhere. During a recent protracted strategic planning session, replete with appropriate metaphorical log-sawing, the Colonel's heat addled and lack of education atrophied (I didn't go to college--I went to Ole Miss) synapses managed to bridge the widening divide between the few remaining cognitive cells lying fallow in the recesses of my bald-pated skull, and an efficiency in my sawdust production system gained a beachhead on the well-defended shore of my consciousness. A (I dare not assume, the) missing link in the system was obviously a planer.

The operative word in the final sentence of the preceding paragraph is, was. Ensconced prominently within the confines of the Eegeebeegee Man Toy Storage and Sawdust Production Facility is now a (trumpet fanfare) Rigid R4330 13 inch Thickness Planer. A review in the most important periodical of our time, Popular Mechanics, describes the tool thusly: "The Ridgid R4330 Planer uses a three-blade, 96-cut-per-inch cutterhead to shave down to a deli-slice-thin 1/8 in.—veneer thickness. It’s versatile, portable and surprisingly affordable." While the review glaringly fails to address the sawdust production capability of the R4330, I trust that I will soon be able to comment on the tool's effectiveness in that regard.

I'm going to need a dump truck with which to haul away the produce.
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