Noting a glaring lack of principled commitment and fiscal common sense required to lead this nation back to greatness, the Colonel is hereby announcing the establishment of an exploratory committee to determine the feasibility of a run for the Presidency of the United States.
Should be a rather short process.
In the meantime, the Colonel's platform is provided below:
1. American Exceptionalism will be the overarching principle of our administration. Every decision, every program, every expenditure of blood and treasure will be evaluated in the light of whether it will make our nation, not a political party, stronger. Programs found to be dilatory to that end, from the individual citizen up, will be eliminated.
2. A balanced budget amendment to the Constitution, requiring that, except in the case of an official declaration of a state of war by the Congress, the Federal government's budget not exceed 18% of GDP, will be our administration's foremost legislative priority. No other programs or expenditures will be proposed by our administration until a balanced budget amendment is ratified. All acts of congress passed prior to passage of a balanced budget amendment act will be vetoed.
3. All departments of the Federal government will be operated as "profit centers." Any department found not to have a positive return on investment of the taxpayers' treasure, as determined by an independent accounting firm, at the end of 18 months from our administration's inauguration, will be eliminated.
4. In order for the Department of Defense (name to be restored to the original "War Department") to accomplish the foregoing requirement, and to eliminate the issue of illegal immigration from within the hemisphere, the reinstatement of Manifest Destiny and the forceful annexation of the remainder of the Western Hemisphere will be pursued as the foremost foreign policy initiative of our administration. Voluntary entrants into the union, prior to the initiation of hostilities, will not be required to pay tribute.
5. All moratoriums on drilling for petroleum and natural gas will be lifted immediately.
6. All military forces permanently stationed outside of the Western Hemisphere will be returned to the territory of the United States within 36 months of the inauguration of our administration. Our strategic nuclear forces will suffice for deterrence of enemies outside of the Western Hemisphere. Countries desiring protection by the United States will pay tribute.
7. Upon ratification of a balanced budget amendment, our administration will propose, and support passage and ratification of a Federal office-holder term limits and equitable compensation/benefits amendment to the Constitution. Until ratification of said amendment, all acts of Congress regarding congressional compensation will be vetoed.
8. In order to spur competition for greatness among the States, the Federal Social Security Administration will be phased out over the four years of our administration and the requirement for retirement savings and relief returned to the American citizens and the states to which they belong.
9. In order to spur competition for greatness among the States, our administration will, upon congressional passage of a balanced budget amendment, propose an amendment to repeal the 16th Amendment. Pending such action, the Internal Revenue Service will be eliminated. The States will assume responsibility for tax collection. As price of continued membership in our great union, the States will remit to the Federal government funds equal to ten percent of the tax revenues raised by each State.
10. In order to spur competition for greatness among the states, the Medicare and Medicaid programs will be phased out over the four years of our administration and the responsibility for such services returned to the States.
10. Any State which desires to leave the union may do so on its own initiative, but will forfeit any and all protections provided by the union. Readmission to the union will require tribute.
11. Upon passage and accomplishment of all of the above, our administration will, by a final Executive Order, reduce the number of federal holidays to three: Independence Day, Memorial Day, and...
April Fools Day.