Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Timber!

There's something therapeutic about turning lumber into sawdust; ranking right up there with the life-centering results of turning your own cut and split firewood into heat and light.

If there's one resource I have in abundance on Eegeebeegee, it is timber. The ridges and creek bottoms are covered in hardwood stands, interspersed with mature pine and cedar. Each of my three large fields are edged by stands of planted loblolly pine, ranging between five and ten years old. In short, the Colonel has a long-term renewable resource that could serve me and mine for several generations; if me and mine will stay disciplined in its stewardship. Dawns on me, as I sit here converting electrical impulses into palmar and dorsal interossei movement and thereby into this electronic missive (I know it amazes those of you who know the Colonel well, that he is able to do two things at the same time), that I need to put some unequivocal language in my will to instruct my progeny, and theirs, regarding long-term maintenance of this valuable resource: NO CLEAR-CUTTING.

As those of you who have wasted valuable time reading this voluble vomitus for more than a few months know, the Colonel is a proud possessor of a long-dreamt-of workshop with enough room to house large and multiple projects and the large and multiple power tools with which to accomplish said projects. The really good news in this story is that the Colonel has been doing his part to stimulate the economy by throwing copious wads of cash (well, swiping a magnetic strip) at the local big box hardware store in return for the aforementioned tools to populate the aforementioned workshop. Next on my wish list (purchase pending approval of the spending bill containing the earmark I have asked my congressman to include for improvement of the grounds of the capital of the Tallahatchie Free State) is a radial arm saw (excuse me while I pause for a short session of monosyllabic guttural utterances signifying manproval).

In a former life, the Colonel received some training on systems efficiency. Unfortunately, the wrinkled mass of cells carrying that information has atrophied to an amorphous puddle of grey goo in a shallow recess of my brain housing group. But, I have never been one to allow a lack of intelligence or education (I didn't go to college--I attended Ole Miss) to prevent my progress. So, I have developed a plan for presentation to the Tallahatchie Free State purchasing committee (chaired by the comely and kind-hearted Miss Brenda). Said plan includes a line and box diagram depicting the Eegeebeegee sawdust production system deemed critical to the continued mental and physical well-being of the Colonel (he whose retirement income maintains Miss Brenda in the standard of living to which she has grown accustomed). She has accepted my need for, and has approved purchase of the aforementioned radial arm saw (excuse me while I pause for a short session of monosyllabic guttural utterances of manproval). She will, of course, recognize immediately that there is a glaring gap in the Eegeebeegee sawdust production system processes right between the box entitled "timber" and the box marked "radial arm saw" (excuse me while I pause for...you know the drill...join me).

I need a sawmill.
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