Thursday, December 08, 2011

Sawdust Savant

WarningGraphic images of a real tree's conversion from log to lumber contained hereon.   

As the thousands of you who regularly imbibe in the barely literate literary libations ladled out in posts heron will no doubt recall, one of the critical components of the Colonel's sapling to sawdust production system aboard his vast holdings here at the shallow northern end of deep southern nowhere is his trusty sawmill, Semper Filet (not to be confused with his trusty red tractor, Semper Field; nor his rusty red pick 'em up truck, Semper Fillit; nor even his former boat and Redneck Riviera partner in redfish and speckled trout population control, Semper Fish).

It has slowly dawned in the rapidly dwindling collection of cells lying fallow in a small puddle of grey goo lodged in a cavernous crevice of his bony brain-housing group, that the Colonel should consider posting a video of the intricately choreographed ballet that is his death-defying and maim-missing dance round the periphery of Semper Filet as the machine makes manageable boards from barely manageable logs. 

The Colonel is indebted to his lady, the comely and kind-hearted Miss Brenda, for her assistance as videographer of the clip proudly presented in this post.  The Colonel is indebted to the comely and kind-hearted Miss Brenda for a great deal more than her assistance as videographer...but, there's no room in this tome, nor allowance in your patience, for that recounting.

The first scene in the video clip below portrays the Colonel in the final phase of manhandling a log into the waiting arms of Semper Filet.  What is not shown in this clip is the Colonel's death-defying and maim-missing chain-saw-armed dance around the base of the standing tree -- allowing the comely and kind-hearted Miss Brenda to witness that evolution would result in either her insistence that the Colonel immediately cease all further felling of timber or significantly increase the amount of his life insurance.  The clip also does not show the death-defying and maim-missing chain-saw-armed dismembering and conversion of the tree into ten-foot logs, for the same reason.

Succeeding scenes show conversion of the log into a squared cant, from which boards are cut.  Still shots at the end of the video show 1) boards stacked for drying in the Colonel's Man Toy Storage and Sawdust Production Facility and 2) the most prodigious product of the process.

Now, if you will excuse the Colonel, he must begin drafting his Academy Award acceptance speech.

5 comments:

A Colonel of Truth said...

Ed, an Academy Award not forthcoming. To the contrary, consider yourself on report for numerous violations of ORM (Operational Risk Management) as to lack of PPE (Personal Protective Equipment)--no eyewear, breather mask, gloves, or steel-toed boots. That for starters. As for the camera work--better than average.

Ed Gregory said...

ORM outlawed and PPE not required in the Tallahatchie Free State. Citizens and legal residents of the TFS are responsible for their own safety and happiness. No government micromanagement required or tolerated.

A Colonel of Truth said...

Ed, are there any homes avaiable in the TFS? The thought of governing self sounds wonderful. If any pre-established residency requirements, I once lived in Oxford. And was the MOI at Ole Miss.

Ed Gregory said...

Citizenship in the TFS is restricted to honorably discharged or retired US military veterans and their spouses. All others eligible for legal residency pending approval of the TFS Immigration Board (a committee of one, chaired by the Colonel).

Dave Berry said...

Have you set yourself up a kiln operation to get the moiwsture content down in the logs? And that looked alot like a Cypress log. OSHA be damned!!!!!!!!

Although one day you mioght have wished you had steel toes boots on when a log rolls over your Colonel toes. Dave Berry