Monday, December 15, 2008

Monday MOTOs, Vol. I; Ed. 5

It's time once again for an edition of the Colonel's Mastery of the Obvious (Monday MOTO) awards. There are several thousand other things I could be doing that would be much more productive and meaningful, but the Colonel has always had a flair for the unnecessary and meaningless--just ask any one who ever served with me. Actually, I believe that is an inherent disease the increasing symptoms of which directly correlate with increased rank. But, I digress...

The Colonel's Mastery of the Obvious Bronze Medal goes to "W" for correctly assessing that the object thrown at him by an Iraqi journalist was "a size 10 shoe." Unverified sources report to the Colonel that the President told his Secret Service detail immediately after that he was happy to be able to demonstrate to the world that "I still have my reflexes." Reached for comment at his Chicago Graft-in-Waiting HQ, "H" is reported to have remarked that he would have taken the wing-tips off of one of his Secret Service agents and given them to the now shoe-less Iraqi journalist.

The Colonel's Monday MOTO Silver Medal goes to the researchers at Princeton, presumably conducting their study with a sizable government grant, who have announced that "a sugar addiction can be similar to an addiction to illegal drugs, like cocaine and heroin." Ya think!?! The Colonel proved a long time ago that all food is addictive. Heck, my third cousin, Cletus, over in Bugtussle, did a scientific study years ago that proved just how addictive food is and how dangerous it is to try to break the addiction. He had a worthless coon hound that would lay around all day and then eat its weight in Purina every evening. Cletus decided to teach the hound to go without eating. He just about had him trained to do without food, but the worthless mongrel died on him. (Please address your hate mail to Cletus Sorrel, 114 Possum Tickle Road, Bugtussle, AR.)

The Colonel's Monday MOTO Gold Medal is awarded to Wall Street Robber Baron Bernard Madoff (most presciently pronounced, Made Off) who, as his two decade long, fifty billion dollar ponzi scheme collapsed, is reported to have told his sons "There's no money left in the fund." From the Colonel's not so lofty perch, my eagle eye reveals that there's no money left in ANY fund.

This is just too easy.
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