Social Distancing Fails

Nostalgia has crept into the Colonel's infantry-addled being this morning.

He's been reviewing old photographs from his crayon-munching days and one glaring fact leaps out at him from nearly every image...

Hey, there's no social distancing going on! 

Look here, America, most of you have nothing better to do this morning than peruse the Colonel's historical review of personal social distancing fails...  

You've binge-watched everything binge-watchable.

You've eaten every snack in the 3-week quarantine chow stash.

You've mastered the three sheet wipe.

You've washed your fingerprints off.

You've discovered that teachers are vastly underpaid and you've told the kiddos to go play in the street.

Some of you have even caught yourself contemplating a first-time firearms purchase.  (See Josh at TGC Outdoors and tell him the Colonel sent you.)

You've mastered the mid-morning and mid-afternoon nap.

You've even caught yourself on Pinterest looking for things to make with old neck-ties and empty hand sanitizer bottles.

So, the Colonel is here to rescue you.

Our first entry from the "way back file" is the Colonel, then a first lieutenant, standing in as the potted plant in front of Headquarters Company, 31st Marine Amphibious Unit (31st MAU).   

The year was 1982.  The place was Perth, Australia.  And, that's about all the Colonel remembers (or cares to share) about that port call.  Note the disturbing lack of social distancing.  Note the tavern in the background, which may or may not have contributed to Colonel's inability to remember anything else about this picture.  

Your next social distancing fail stop on the Colonel's historical pictorial trail is a shot of the 31st MAU HQ's LPA (Lieutenants Protective Association). 

The location was aboard LHA 3 (USS Bellau Wood) in the Indian Ocean west of Australia.  The date was 10 November 1982.  The LPA unilaterally decided to upgrade the uniform of the day to celebrate the birthday of the Marine Corps.  The LPA was shortly thereafter sighted by the MAU XO (LtCol Wild Bill Marcantel) who proceeded to live up to his nickname, at the expense of the LPA in the wrong uniform.  Note what seems to be a half-hearted social distancing attempt by the lieutenant on the right.  The truth is Scott Sullivan was a Texas A&M grad and that's as close as the rest of the LPA would let him stand.

A year later (that would be 1983 for you Bama and LSU grads struggling to keep up), the Colonel (then a captain) was assigned to the Basic School (TBS -- never forget the T) as an instructor/staff platoon commander training brand new butter bars. Here, the Colonel is conducting a uniform inspection.  

Beyond the social distancing failure, there are several other items of note in this picture.  First note that the Colonel is taking his duties very seriously -- measuring the distance between the end of the uniform epaulet and collar with his calibrated finger.  Also, note that there is another person in this picture shorter than the Colonel.

A couple of years later, then Captain, Gregory was in command of a reinforced rifle company in Battalion Landing Team 1/8 with the 26th Marine Expeditionary Unit deployed to the Mediterranean.  In this social distancing fail snapshot, he is pictured with his (from left to right) Company Gunny, Forward Air Controller (FAC), Executive Officer, Company First Sergeant, and Artillery Forward Observer (FO).   

Note that the FAC and FO are the only ones smiling -- the others had been with the Colonel much longer.

In 1990, the Colonel was promoted to major and assigned as commanding officer of the recruiting station responsible for Marine Corps Recruiting in Georgia and South Carolina. 
 

No social distancing in this picture.  The Colonel is, however, attempting to claim a little personal space with some not-so subtle man-spreading. 

While on recruiting duty, the Colonel had his first taste of the Joint world.  The social distancing fail picture below depicts the Colonel's recruiting competition with Georgia Governor Zell Miller.     

Just off camera to the left of this shot was a picture of Chesty Puller with whom Miller served in Korea.  When this photo op ended, the Governor asked the Colonel to stay behind for a minute.  That minute turned into a half-hour of war stories -- a cherished memory.  Note the Army lieutenant colonel (Army recruiting battalion commander) looking down at the Governor -- loved to tell "dumb Marine" jokes.  The Colonel (then a major) came to a joint service recruiting meeting prepared with quality recruiting reports (county by county break down of average ASVAB scores) showing that the Marines were trouncing his recruiters in every county in Georgia.  "Dumb Marine" jokes ceased.

Having survived three years in command on recruiting duty, the Colonel was given his choice of attending whichever service's Command and Staff college he wished.  He chose the Air Force's Air Command and Staff College (ACSC) in Montgomery, Alabama.  Pictured below are the nine Marine majors in the 600-man class.  The Colonel was the lone infantry-man in the class.   

No social distancing observed.  Note the smiles -- they were in the midst of a year-long vacation with the Air Force.  

When the Colonel graduated from ACSC, he was told to stay put as one of the two Marines on faculty.  He spent the first year teaching Airpower Theory (yeah, that was a hoot). 

No social distancing observed, although they did try to hide the Marine in the back. 

The Air Force discovered that the Marine might not be the most enthusiastic Airpower Theory instructor and he was assigned to the Joint Operations instructor group for his second year on faculty.  In preparation, the Colonel attended the three-month joint school (Armed Forces Staff College -- AFSC) in Norfolk, VA.  AFSC was not necessarily known for its academic rigor -- so the Colonel was sent on a summer vacation in the middle of his Air Force vacation.  The non-social distancing photo below is of the seminar group/softball team/dinner social club to which the Colonel belonged. 

Yep, only Marine in the group.  Side note: graduation from ACSC put a check in the Colonel's Joint Professional Military Education (JPME) Phase I box.  Graduation (with honors in softball and taco preparation) from AFSC put a check in the Colonel's JPME Phase II box.  And..., because his time on the faculty at AFSC counted as a joint assignment, he was designated a Joint Specialty Officer.  That's right -- nowhere else in DOD can one go on a three-year vacation and get joint credit.   

Towards the end of his second year on faculty at AFSC, the Colonel's (by then a lieutenant colonel) career monitor called to say that he had been selected to command a battalion.  An infantry battalion.  In Hawaii.  Yes, Hawaii.  House on the beach Hawaii. The Colonel took command of the 1st Battalion, 3rd Marines, in February of 1997.  The social-distancing fail shot below is of the 40 some odd officers of the best battalion in the Marine Corps.  They provided superb leadership for 800 Marines and Navy Hospital Corpsmen and made the Colonel look like a hero during the battalion's 7-month deployment to Okinawa (and the rest of the Western Pacific) in 1998.  

Note that the Colonel is the only man smiling in this picture -- most of these officers had been with the Colonel for the better part of 18 months at this point, so...  The XO, seated to the Colonel's right is smirking -- he was in command of 2d Battalion, 3rd Marines a year later.   

As penance for an absolutely wonderful tour as C.O. of the best battalion in the Marine Corps, the Colonel spent his last year in Hawaii as the XO (second in command / chief of staff, if you will) of the Third Marine Regiment.  No social distancing fail photos exist from that year -- the Colonel was not a pleasant man to be around.

When the year of penance ended, the Colonel was sent back to the school house -- the Naval War College in Newport, Rhode Island.  The social-distancing fail photo below was taken a few days before graduation in June of 2000.   

 For those of you who care enough to try, you will find the Colonel by looking for the shiniest bald pate in greens.  

A month later, the Colonel was in Korea.  The Colonel spent most of the next year in a bunker in Seoul.  Good training for the current pandemic.  There are a few social-distancing fail photos from that year, but they are so secret that if the Colonel were to share them with you he would have to kill himself.

Selected for command, the Colonel escaped from Korea and took over as the C.O. of the Sixth Marine Corps District, headquartered at Marine Corps Recruit Depot, Parris Island, S.C., and responsible for Marine Corps recruiting in the Southeastern United States.  The social distancing fail photo below was taken in late 2001, and includes the Colonel and his majors (commanding state-sized recruiting efforts) with the Commanding Generals and Sergeants Major of the Eastern Recruiting Region and Marine Corps Recruiting Command.     

   
Note the Colonel ain't smiling -- he was on recruiting duty for the second time and the Marine Corps had just gone off to war without him..., for the second time.  The trend wasn't looking good, so...

Note the only one smiling in this picture is the comely and kind-hearted Miss Brenda (first row in the stands, fourth from left).  She's been the Colonel's social-distancing buddy ever since.

Be well, America, and keep your chins up.  The Colonel commands it.  We'll all be taking social-distancing fail photos again real soon.