The Colonel's Cabin on Lake Brenda

The Colonel is building a cabin.

As he, and several of his immediate family and not-so-immediate friends, have toiled on the project for the past several months, said project has been identified, mostly by the Colonel, as "The Colonel's Cabin on Lake Brenda."

The name is, frankly, meant more as irritant than identifier.

The Colonel's winsome bride -- the comely and kind-hearted Miss Brenda -- takes issue with the name.  Honestly, she takes issue with the entire project.  Several months ago, she caught the Colonel drawing up plans on his project clipboard.

"What are you working on now, Knucklehead?" The Colonel could tell that Miss Brenda was genuinely excited about the Colonel's newest building plans, because she was standing with her hands on her hips and scowling at the Colonel in that loving way she always disguises her excitement over the Colonel's newest building plans. 

"The Colonel is planning on building a cabin down on Lake Brenda," the Colonel answered, not looking up from his architectural labors.

"I wish you wouldn't do that," Miss Brenda intoned in her special way of disguising her excitement over another of the Colonel's unending building projects -- you know: hands on hips, scowl. 

"But," the Colonel responded, "what else am I going to do with all that lumber in the solar kiln?"

"That's not what I'm talking about, Knucklehead.  I wish you wouldn't refer to yourself as 'the Colonel.'  It's like fingernails on a chalkboard every time I hear it."  

"Oh, Sweetie!  The Colonel just adores the way you lovingly disguise your true feelings.  You are SO funny!"

"Okay, Knucklehead.  Whatever.  Now, what is it you're planning on building?"

"Gonna build a cabin on Lake Brenda."

"I really wish you wouldn't do that."

"Why not?  It'll be fun. Besides, there's a couple dozen logs at the sawmill waiting to be cut and there's no room left in the solar kiln.  Gotta do something with the lumber."

"That's not what I'm talking about.  I don't think you can seriously call that mud puddle down there a 'lake.' And, I'm not too keen on it being named after me."

"Well, 'Lake Brenda' wasn't the Colonel's first choice, either.  But, you didn't like it when I tried to call it 'Colonel Rebel's Reservoir.'  And, you refused to let me call the dam 'the Colonel's Causeway.'"

"Whatever.  Just don't refer to that scum-covered waterhole as 'Lake Brenda' in public.  It's hard enough holding my head up in town after the Memorial Day speech you gave last year.  You're lucky you haven't been sued for slander."

"What part of the speech was 'slanderous'?"

"Oh, I don't know, maybe when you called the Mayor a 'woke revisionist'."

"Well, she is!"

"You are incorrigible!"

The Colonel was stunned by the word.  "Wow!  Great vocabulary word, Sweetthing! And, not only did you use it correctly in a sentence, but you also correctly identified the Colonel's greatest character trait."

"Well," Miss Brenda replied, "let's not get on to the subject of your character.  I don't have my Funk and Wagnull handy."   

"Wow!," the Colonel exclaimed.  "You are on fire!  A great vocabulary word and a 'Laugh-In' reference!  Oh, how I do love our witty repartee!"

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. You know you love it, too."      

"No.  Thank you for not referring to yourself as 'the Colonel.'"  

"Oh. Pardon the Colonel for his lingual lapse."

The comely and kind-hearted Miss Brenda let out a long, low sigh in that way she feigns exasperation with the Colonel, when he knows she is really just disguising her inexpressible love and admiration. 

"Well," she asked finally, having exhausted her feigned exasperation disguising her inexpressible love and admiration, "why do you need a cabin?

"Need?  The Colonel doesn't 'need' anything.  He just wants to build a cabin."

"Well, Knucklehead, your cabin is going to need a bed.