Sanctuary Republic

The Colonel convened an emergency joint session of the three constitutional branches of the Tallahatchie Republic last evening.

 * For those of you who have only recently demonstrated the fact that you have absolutely nothing else of redeeming value to do with your time than to follow posts hereon, and have yet to get completely up to speed on the methodless madness that is The Colonel's Corner, the Tallahatchie Republic (founded with tongue in cheek and hand on wallet) is a virtual government (of the Colonel and by the Colonel) headquartered at Egeebeegee, Mississippi  (Unincorporated), encompassing both the Colonel's vast holdings here at the shallow northern end of deep southern nowhere and the Colonel's not-so vast readership scattered around the map. 

The emergency joint session was necessitated by a crisis of perception -- the Colonel thinks the rest of the world has gone nuts.

Surrounded on all sides by folks who have absolutely lost their minds, the Colonel had no choice but to take concrete steps to prevent loss of his own remaining meager mental faculties, which would incapacitate the Tallahatchie Republic's leadership for life and leave the citizenry and legal residents without protection.

"My fellow Tallahatchians.  The Colonel calls this joint session of the..."

The comely and kind-hearted Miss Brenda looked up from her needlepoint and opened up her heart to the Colonel, "Knucklehead, if you don't get out of the way of the TV, I'm gonna bust your joints with a frying pan!"

"Dear, the Colonel has called a joint session of the government of the Tallahatchie Republic to address a critical issue. Please pay attention for just a few minutes."

"You get two minutes and that's it!" The comely and kind-hearted Miss Brenda is nothing if not patient and accommodating.

"Thank you, Dear.  Lessee, where was the Colonel?  Ah, yes.  My fellow Tallahatchians..."

"Tally what?"

"What, dear?"

"Never mind. You've got a minute and a half left.  You better skip the preamble and get to the point."

"Uh, okay...  The Colonel calls this joint session in order to..."

"Why do you do that?

"What, dear?"

"Why do you insist on referring to yourself in the third person?"

"Well, the Colonel rather thinks it adds rhetorical and literary flourish to his speaking and writing..."

"More like fingernails on a chalkboard.  You've got a minute left. Wrap it up, Shakespeare."

"Wha...?  Uh..., um...," the Colonel thumbed quickly through the sheaf of papers in his hands and finally found the page with the words "Sanctuary Proclamation" at the top.  He solemnly intoned, 

"Whereas, a growing plurality of the cities and states, municipalities and commonwealths of the late, great re-United States of America have declared themselves sanctuaries for various persons who have challenged the sovereignty of the aforesaid late, great republic and entered and established residency in contravention to the laws of said late, great republic...; 

"We, the people of the Tallahatchie Republic, with tongues firmly planted inside cheeks and hands firmly grasping wallets, do hereby declare that the Tallahatchie Republic is, and will henceforth forever be, SANCTUARY for those persons who self-identify as Constitutional republicans (Big C, little r)."


The comely and kind-hearted Miss Brenda sat in open-mouthed wonder at the love of her life standing at the modified position of attention and executing the Tallahatchie Salute (tongue in cheek; hand on wallet).

"Well, that takes the cake, knucklehead.  Just when I thought your idiocy could plumb no greater depths...,"  the comely and kind-hearted Miss Brenda stopped and sighed -- the kind of deep, soulful, sigh of resignation that the Colonel has heard on occasions too numerous to count.  "Can you do one thing for me..., the next time you call one of your 'emergency joint sessions'?"

"Shurtinly, deah...," the Colonel paused, ceased his Tallahatchie salute, and looked expectantly into the eyes of his best friend.  "Whatever you want."

"Could you please designate the space in front of the TV a 'Colonel Free Zone'?"