Pre-Traumatic Speech Disorder

The Colonel has spent the better part of the last week feverishly crafting the most important speech of the political year here at the shallow northern end of deep southern nowhere -- the regularly irregular State of the Tallahatchie Republic address.  

As is his custom of nearly a half century, the Colonel likes to pitch his ideas to, and practice his oratorical flourishes with, the comely and kind-hearted Miss Brenda...

"My fellow Tallahatchians, the Colonel comes before you this evening..."

"What?  Are you talking to me, knucklehead?"

"The Colonel is practising his speech, dear. Just listen and tell me what you think."  

"Speech?  What speech?"

"The Colonel's regularly irregular State of the Tallahatchie Republic address, of course.  You know that it is the most important speech of the year here at the shallow northern end of deep southern nowhere..."

"Take a deep breath, knucklehead.  You're babbling again.  And for pete's sake, quit referring to yourself in the third person!"

"The Colonel doesn't babble!  He might pontificate.  He can ramble.  But, he never, ever babbles!"

"What's that, knucklehead?  All I heard was 'babble, babble, babble.'  And, what's that funny hand motion you're making?"

"It's not a funny hand motion  -- it's a knife hand.  Draws attention and adds visual punctuation to the Colonel's babb..., er..., speech.  Look, dear, just listen while you sit there doing your needle point."

"But, you're standing in front of Gibbs!"

"Who?"

"Gibbs!  Leroy Jethro Gibbs.  NCIS is on and you're standing in front of the TV.  Now there's a real Marine."  

"Uh, dear, you do know that Gibbs is a fictional character?  The whole show is the height of implausibility.  Why, the NCIS folks the Colonel dealt with when he was on active duty couldn't get the bullet out of their shirt pocket, let alone bring down international terrorists!"

"There you go again, knucklehead.  Babbling about your glory days.  Look at you, now.  You buy a few acres and now you think you're king of your own country."

"Not king.  More like a relatively benevolent military dictator."

"Yeah, right!  More like an irrelevant boorish popinjay."  

"Who you calling irrelevant?  Please, just listen to the speech and see if it strikes the right tone.  If the Colonel doesn't get it right, the republic might devolve into civil war."  

"Civil war?  Knucklehead, there's not but two of us living out here at the end of the road to nowhere.  As long as you stay out of the way of the TV, the state of our union will be strong.  Go give your speech to the chickens."

Just as well.  The Colonel can't decide whether the central pillar of his address should be his plans for expansion of the Republic via privately financed invasion route infrastructure enhancements, or raising the comely and kind-hearted Miss Brenda's wages.

Maybe the chickens will give the Colonel some feedback on his ideas for a moon colony...