The 1st Congress of the Tallahatchie Free State, a government in opposition formed as much hand on wallet as tongue in cheek (disclaimer provided to deflect the attention of agents from the Department of Homeland Insecurity), met yesterday evening on the front porch of the Big House at Eegeebeegee. The following legislative matters were addressed and resolutions regarding passed rapidly and unanimously--an accomplishment made possible by the fact that due to the measured (read: slow) population growth of the TFS, the Colonel remains the sole voting representative of the people.
Resolved: Nullus Liberum Prandium (No Free Lunch) is hereby and forthwith established as the motto, and operating principle, of the Tallahatchie Free State. Said motto shall be displayed prominently on the great seal, currency, proclamations, and all official correspondence.
Resolved: The Gadsden "Don't Tread on Me" Flag is hereby adopted as the interim official standard of the Tallahatchie Free State, pending design and production of an original and appropriately representative flag. It is further resolved that any proposed official flag shall not include the following: a flower; a color other than red, white, gold, or blue; a bulldog; a tiger; a pig; an alligator; or an elephant.
Resolved: The speed limit within the confines of the boundaries of the Tallahatchie Free State's capital, Eegeebeegee, shall be at the discretion of vehicle operators and shall be consistent with the operator's skill and appropriate to surface conditions. The Minister for Safety (in Perpetuity), the comely and kind-hearted Miss Brenda, shall exercise sole authority for determination that operators have exceeded their skill and/or demonstrated disregard for surface conditions, and shall issue warnings, stern, regarding same.
Resolved: The taking of fish and game within the confines of the boundaries of the Tallahatchie Free State's capital, Eegeebeegee, shall be allowed only with the approval of the Colonel. Lake Brenda is hereby established as a "catch and release" inpoundment--if the Colonel catches you fishing without permission, he shall release the hounds on you.
Resolved: Gun control being critical for accurate target engagement, the people of the Tallahatchie Free State shall be required to own and demonstrate proficiency with a firearm(s) of their choice.
Resolved: The freedom of speech within the confines of the boundaries of the Tallahatchie Free State's capital, Eegeebeegee, shall be limited only by the stricture that any profane language within earshot of the comely and kind-hearted Miss Brenda will not be tolerated.
Resolved: The definition of marriage shall be the life-long union of one man and one woman.
Resolved: The definition of life-long shall not be at the discretion of either partner in the above defined union.
Resolved: In recognition of the inviolable natural order of things, the definition and privileges of union partnership shall be at the discretion of the woman.
Resolved: Congresses of the Tallahatchie Free State shall be convened at the discretion of the Colonel and representatives shall not be compensated beyond the provision of food and drink.
Resolved: No taxation of any kind (monetary, goods, or services) shall ever be allowed by the people of the Tallahatchie Free State.
Resolved: Complete enfranchisement as a citizen of the Tallahatchie Free State shall only be enjoyed as a right earned by honorable military, law enforcement, or firefighter service. As their job is universally recognized as tougher, spouses of citizens shall be so enfranchised.
The First Congress of the Tallahatchie Free State was adjourned and disbanded immediately upon the Colonel's detection of the microwave alarm signifying that the comely and kind-hearted Miss Brenda had completed preparation of the evening meal.
3 comments:
Hello Colonel,
As I read your wonderful post on the First Congress of Tallahatchie Free State, I kept thinking I wonder how I could get an immagration status. Then as I was thinking on how I should apply, I read the qualifier.
That made the lower lip slowly drop toward the floor while it was quickly starting to tremble, the nose was making a mad dash on going to the ugly red drippy stage of sadness, the eyes began a slow leak of trickling salt water down the cheeks in order to make a very slow drip toward my toes and lower lip lying on the floor as a HUGE Red Stop Sign began to rise lightening swift right in front of my salt-water leaking eyes.
Well, at least my trembling lower lip, red drippy nose and salt-water leaky eyes were able to show to everyone just how disappointed I was because I won't be able to qualify to imigrate to such a great place.
I am really truely HAPPY that You and Miss Brenda do qualify in oh-so many of the right ways.
I am truly GLAD that the both of you have found a place that is peaceful (unless all the grandkids are having a yelling contest. lol) AND I have a great hope that it is very, very safe.
I may not be able to immagrate to the Tallahatchie Free State and live at its Capatol known as Eegeebeegee BUT I can certainly enjoy reading about all the wonderful and unique happenings in the State Tallahatchie Free State especially when those unique and wonderful happening are with its two most favored citizens, the Colonel and Miss Brenda.
Altho....
What truly brought a big smile and a chuckle or two from me was the way that the First Congress was adjourned. I hope that whatever Miss Brenda pulled out of the microwave was the item that just "hit the spot".
Miss Em
Austell, Ga.
Miss Em,
The TFS requirement for citizenship should not be viewed as a bar to immigration. Residency and citizenship are two entirely different things. Citizenship, as opposed to residency, includes a higher standard of responsibility and an attendant greater scope of rights. Given your obvious support of the values and principles embodied in the citizenry of the Tallahatchie Free State, it is with great pleasure that I bestow upon you the first ever award of the soon to be highly coveted title, Friend and Ally of the Tallahatchie Free State. Additionally, you are hereby nominated as TFS Ambassador to the Great State of Georgia, home of the Braves, and land of Zell Miller. Said nomination will be addressed at the next unscheduled congress of the Tallahatchie Free State.
Hello Colonel,
"The first ever award of the soon to be highly coveted title, Friend and Ally of the Tallahatchie Free State. And nominated as TFS Ambassador to the Great State of Georgia..."
WHAT AN HONOR!!!!!
Tear ducts are leaking salt-water again with a BIG smile on my most humble face.
You Sir, are more than a retired Officer and Gentleman.
You Sir, are a Man of GREAT Principles and Values that I will do my best to continue to emulate with Pride and Dignity.
Thank You.
Miss Em
Austell, Ga.
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